


pure pleasure

by biremuslupin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bassist Remus, M/M, conor vance voice slutty bassist, lo-fi chill study beats, nobody is getting their security deposit back, peter is the girl next door, remus is a SLUT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 05:12:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18359300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/biremuslupin/pseuds/biremuslupin
Summary: @jmespottrs: my friend’s neighbor is a hot blonde drummer who loudly fucks a new girl every night after his gigsme: band au remus





	1. lupin is bi and loud

**Author's Note:**

> shout out to chloe for having a friend who has a neighbor who could be remus lupin in an alternate universe 
> 
> also the rest of the jarauders just because they exist and i appreciate that
> 
> also i’m @benhargrvs on twitter btw in case anyone cares lol !

The first time it happens Sirius is on his way to James’ anyways, so he doesn’t mind all that much. Let those two crazy kids in love have their fun, he thinks, as he tucks his laptop into his bag. He bids his roommate, who seems a bit more affected by the couple pounding it out in the flat above theirs than he is, goodnight, and forgets about the unnecessarily loud sex he’d overheard altogether. 

That is, until he gets back to his flat the next night, and they’re still up there, going to town. He’s not sure how, but they seem even louder this time. His roommate retreats to his bedroom almost immediately after the fucking starts, and Sirius is left alone at the kitchen counter trying to write his damn essay amid the noise. He admits defeat after ten minutes of struggling, and instead takes a moment to search for his headphones before returning. He usually prefers silence while writing, but he’s not going to ruin the new happy couple’s honeymoon period, and so he’ll sacrifice the silence, listen to lo-fi chill study beats while he works. 

It goes on like this for several more nights consecutively, and Sirius grows progressively more and more annoyed, but what can he do? It’s not like he has any right to stop them, really, they’re just having a good time, and it’s not their fault that he’s going through a dry spell. And say he goes up there, and they point this out. Then what? Now he’s just that loser who got called a prude by his new neighbors the first time he interacted with them. 

So he doesn’t do anything. He’s resigned to a life where he’ll just hear the two knocking boots around ten every night. It’ll just be part of his nightly routine. Take a shower, wash his face, listen to that loud couple banging one out, brush his teeth, do some work, go to sleep, repeat. 

Except on this night, it sounds...different. Now Sirius is hardly one to judge, of course, but the high-pitched, undoubtedly female screams that have been filling his flat every night are replaced with the grunts and moans of what’s unmistakably a guy. Did they break up? And if so, that’s quite a quick rebound, they were just jumping each other’s bones the night before. 

As Sirius sits down to eat dinner across from his roommate, he mulls over the best way to bring up his concerns for the couple upstairs. His thoughts are interrupted, though, by Conor’s thoughts regarding the matter. 

“Did you know Lupin’s bi? I would’ve been upstairs a month ago, if he’d made it more clear.”

Sirius’ eyes widened at that, and he nearly spit out his water. 

“Lupin? Is that his name?” he asked, going for nonchalant, although it probably didn’t come across as such. Putting a name to the noise seemed to make said noises seem a bit less annoying and a bit more intriguing. And if Conor thought he was hot, he probably was. Conor tended to have very good taste in men. And women. Conor knew how to pick ‘em, in general, really, so that was probably a sign that the man upstairs who was very good at pleasuring a girl, and now a guy, was hot. Sirius wasn’t quite sure what to do with this information. 

“You haven’t met him? I told you about him, what, last month. The slutty bassist Emmie fucked last year? I was the one who told him about the open flat upstairs.”

Now that he mentioned it, the story seemed vaguely familiar. Except, the guy’d seemed to be in a pretty serious relationship for the last month, so Sirius wasn’t entirely sure what gave Conor, of all people, the right to call him slutty. He voiced this thought, and Conor laughed so hard he almost fell out of his chair. 

“You thought,” he said in between what had subsided to giggles, “that he’s been shagging the same girl for the last month?”

“What, he’s been with a different girl every night for the last month?” Sirius asked doubtfully. Right, sure. Super realistic. 

“Did you not hear me? He’s a hot bassist!” Conor replied, as if that was answer enough. 

And thus, the idea of a nice, strong, tall man with nice hair and big hands, who probably goes to class by day, holds the door open for strangers, buys his girlfriend flowers and makes her breakfast-in-bed after a night of loud, and likely very rough, sex came crashing down around him. He was just some guy who could play an instrument and was able to pull girls as a result. And guys, the less rational, and more horny, voice in the back of his head pointed out. 

His thought was emphasized by a particularly loud moan and the sound of a headboard banging against a wall, and Sirius stood from his chair. If this was just a guy sleeping with random people, he saw no problem in asking the prick to keep it down. 

Conor looked up at him with a grin. “Gonna ask to join? That’s a brilliant idea, I might consider doing it myself.”

Sirius cast an unimpressed look at his roommate. “No, I’m gonna ask him to be quiet,” he replied, and the look this earned from Conor made Sirius question why they were friends, let alone roommates. 

Conor was clearly just under the stupid guitarist, or bassist, or whatever instrument it was’ spell, and thus unbothered by the noise at this point. But Sirius had things to do, and if he could keep his noise to a minimum, like the rest of us considerate people do, that would be great, thanks very much. 

He shut the flat door on Conor and the sound of his dumb laughing and made his way up the stairs and down the hall to Lupin’s flat. The noises were muffled in the stairwell, but once he was on his floor, it seemed just as loud, if not moreso, than it was in his own flat on the floor below. 

When he got to Lupin’s door, only thing between Sirius and the two guys going at it a decisively thin piece of wood, he wasn’t sure of his next move. He should knock, probably, but then what would he say? He stood there deliberating for what had to be at least ten minutes, and in that time, the noises reached a peak and then stopped. Sirius could hear one of the men, he thought this one was the man Lupin had invited over, asking for Lupin’s number, and he could also hear Lupin declining to give it, instead telling him maybe they’d run into each other at the bar sometime. He heard Lupin and the man making their way toward the door, and was shocked at the way in which he kicked him out so swiftly. 

He heard the door being unlocked, and he knew he had to move, had to be somewhere other than right outside of his flat door like some creep who’d followed them home or something, but he was frozen. The door opened, and thank God it opened inward, because if had opened outward, Sirius would’ve been knocked to the floor. 

He blinked at Lupin, who blinked back at him, trying to place Sirius’ face. Did he know him? Was he one of, Sirius could only guess, the hundreds of people he’d slept with in the last year? 

The man looked at Sirius, then back at Lupin, unsure of what he should be doing in that moment.

“Well! I’ll see you around, Remus, yeah?” he asked hopefully, and Lupin—Remus?—shrugged. What a dick! 

The man slipped through the door, eyeing Sirius as he made his way down the hall. 

“Do I know you?” Remus questioned once his one-night-stand had left. 

Now that Sirius was looking at him, he came to the conclusion that, annoyingly, he’d been right. The man before him was definitely strong and tall and had nice hair and with a quick glance at the hand resting against his door frame as he sized Sirius up, big hands. He’d hit the nail on the head, minus the whole sweet, caring boyfriend bit. 

“Hello?” Remus said, after a moment in which Sirius eyed his hands and thought about just how big they were. If he held his up to them, there’d probably be a noticeable difference. He saw the appeal. 

“You’re too loud,” he said suddenly, caught off guard by the hands. 

“Excuse me?”

“You and your...friends. I live below you, and I have shit I have to do, and I can’t focus because you’re really loud, and I don't like working to lo-fi chill study beats, I like when it’s quiet, and it’s not quiet anymore because all I hear is your fucking headboard, which is awful for you, by the way, because you’ll never get your security deposit back at the rate you’re going, and…” he trailed off, realizing his ranting was going nowhere. Security deposits? What the fuck was he talking about?

Despite the word vomit being projected in Remus’ direction, he seemed amused rather than annoyed or guilty. What the hell was his problem? Sirius was threatening that he wouldn’t get his money back, and he was close to laughter! 

“My...friends and I’ll try to keep it down, alright? Sorry to cause any trouble,” he said, still on the verge of laughter. 

Sirius nodded, satisfied by the answer he’d been given. “Right, great, thank you. You...you have a good night. A good, quiet night,” he said, finally tearing his eyes away from the hand he was just now realizing he’d been eyeing for the duration of their conversation. 

“Will do,” Remus said with a grin, watching as Sirius turned to leave. 

“And for the record,” he called, Sirius now halfway down his hall, “Lo-fi chill study beats are much better background noise for work than silence. Really, I’m helping you.”

Sirius let out a huff of annoyance. And then bit back a smile. He wasn’t nice, but he was funny. Mildly funny. Mildly funny in an annoying way. More annoying than funny, really, and Sirius realized he was arguing with himself at this point, but he didn’t care. He was not going to admit defeat, because Remus Lupin was a dick, based off his limited interactions with the guy, and he wouldn’t concede to the idea that he was also funny, because Sirius was busy and didn’t have the time to be considering what Remus Lupin did when he wasn’t at gigs or kicking random strangers out of his flat. He didn’t. He wouldn’t. God, maybe he would. 

He needed a cold shower.


	2. people aren’t sex toys, remus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron Swanson: How long have you been sleeping with Ben?  
> Leslie Knope: That’s disgusting. And wrong. I don’t even get– why would– I’ve never had sex with anyone, anywhere. It’s none of your- you have- the nerve, the audacity, Ben is my boss, technically. And he is terrible, face-wise. And how- how- do I know, frankly, that you’re not sleeping with him? Maybe you are. Maybe you’re trying to throw me off? Hmm check and mate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two chapters in one day bc i’m BORED and this is kinda fun to write and also jamie and em ~inspired~ me

Remus Lupin, Sirius very quickly learns, is a liar. Remus has two quiet nights in which Sirius thinks he’s won. And then Friday rolls around, and Conor is out doing whatever Conor does on Friday nights, and Sirius is ready to revel in the silence he’s earned since confronting Remus when he hears the sound of the front door opening. He figured Conor would be out later, but whatever, that’s fine, Conor isn’t too loud once he’s in for the night.

Sirius looked up, though, at the sound of two sets of footsteps in the hall. And what he sees makes his blood boil. He’d known Conor had thought Remus was hot, and he  _ is _ , but there could only be one reason that the two were coming back to the flat together, and judging by the way Conor’s hair is already more mussed than normal, they already had a head start. 

Remus smirked at Sirius, clearly not expecting him to be home, but delighted that he is. “Which is your room, then?” he asked Conor, finally switching his gaze away from Sirius and onto the reason he was standing in Sirius’ flat.

“First door,” Conor replied, eyes bright and smile wide as he follows Remus to his bedroom. He casted a glance at Sirius over his shoulder as Remus opens the door, smile still present, and mouthed, “Slutty bassist.”

Sirius wanted to throw something. Not because he’s jealous of his roommate. Sure, Remus is hot and most likely great with his hands and clearly very good in bed, but he’s also an obnoxious asshole who has somehow convinced Conor, equally hot but definitely much nicer, in Sirius’ opinion, to sleep with him. Conor may have already intended to fuck the guy, since he’d been talking about doing so nonstop since he heard Remus with that guy a few nights prior, but Sirius was convinced that this was absolutely Remus’ fault.

He could hear them, truly just going for it, seemingly not caring one bit that Sirius was  _ right there  _ and had definitely not had the chance to leave yet. He grabbed his bag and started toward the door, letting it slam shut behind him. 

Stupid fucking Remus and his stupid fucking smirk and his stupid fucking voice that made Sirius want to storm back into the flat and bang on Conor’s door just to hear it again. His voice, the few times Sirius had heard it, was rough in a way that reminded Sirius just how good of a singer he would be, he definitely  _ is _ , because he does sing, Sirius was told, and that fact alone sends Sirius down a different line of thinking. 

Except he was currently standing outside of his own flat because Remus fucking Lupin had made himself at home in his roommate’s bedroom, and thus made Sirius’ living space unlivable for the time being. 

Sirius didn’t know where to go, exactly, so he opted for whatever’s closest and has food, which happens to be Peter’s flat, so he made his way over, the thought that Conor, hot, and Remus, hotter, are probably destroying Conor’s wall back in the flat Sirius partially pays for running circles around his mind. He was half-hard at the thought, which made strolling through Peter’s perpetually unlocked door a bit more embarrassing than usual. 

  “Wanna talk about...that?” Peter asked after a moment of sizing Sirius up, wooden spoon pointed at Sirius’ semi. 

Sirius dropped down into the stool opposite Peter, ignoring his questioning glance and instead leaning forward to dip his finger in whatever sauce Peter was currently stirring. 

He brought his finger to his lips and sucked the sauce off. “Cheesy.”

“You’re a nuisance,” Peter replied, unimpressed by Sirius’ show. 

Sirius hummed at that, pulling his finger out of his mouth with an unnecessarily loud pop that caused Peter’s nose to wrinkle. 

The two sat in silence as Peter stirred and Sirius tried not to think about Conor and Remus. 

“What’re you making?” Sirius asked, determined to get the two out of his head. 

“Lasagna,” Peter replied, not looking up. 

“Ah.”

“Why are you hard?” Peter asked casually. 

“Conor is fucking the rude, slutty bassist who lives above us,” Sirius replied, eyes on Peter’s stirring. 

“Ah.”

“It’s really annoying, too, because he  _ knows _ he’s hot, you know, which is  _ great _ , great to have confidence, good for you, but,” Sirius paused to groan, letting his head fall to rest atop his crossed arms. He moved his head so his chin was resting against his arm, eyes once more on his friend as he continued. “But it doesn’t give you the right to go around acting like people are just...these  _ things _ you have sex with and then kick out in the middle of the night! That’s what sex toys are for, something quick and without feelings! People, people have feelings, and even if it’s just meaningless sex, you can’t just kick them out once you’ve come, that’s  _ heartless _ ,” he finished dramatically. 

“Uh huh,” Peter said slowly, setting his spoon aside. Sirius seems to be on the verge of a breakdown, and Peter deems this cause enough to pause his cooking. 

“So how long have you wanted to fuck this bassist guy for?”

Sirius looked at Peter, affronted by the suggestion. “I don’t want to fuck him!” he responded, eyes wide. “I’ve  _ just _ told you what a dick he is, and your first response is that I want to fuck him!  _ Please _ , Pete, that’s the last thing I want. If anything,  _ you’re  _ more likely to want to fuck him than I am, he’s definitely your type. Tall and curly-haired and freckles and pretty eyes and, what, are you trying to throw me off?  _ You _ want to fuck him, don’t you!”

Peter stared at Sirius. “I’ve never seen the guy,” he said, incredulous. 

Sirius waved his hand in dismissal, as if Peter’s excuse was highly unlikely. 

“Right,” Peter said after a moment in which he continued his cooking. “Are you staying for dinner?”

“Of course. When does Cas get back?”

“She’s at a thing with some girl she’s seeing. So not until later, I’d imagine,” Peter answered as he began to assemble the lasagna. Sauce, noodles, sauce, cheese, repeat. Sirius was entranced, despite lasagna not being a very complicated dish. 

He stayed for dinner, and then for drinks, and then Dorcas came home, and the three of them decided it’d be a good idea to play Candyland, since Peter had the game lying on their coffee table, and then it was nearing one and Sirius figured it was probably safe for him to head home, as Conor and Remus were most likely done by then, so he bade the two goodnight and made his way back to his flat, thoughts drifting back toward the smirk that had been flashed in his direction earlier that night and the smug look in Remus’ eyes that had accompanied it. He didn’t want to fuck Remus. He didn’t. He was an asshole, and far too cocky for Sirius’ taste. 

He pushed the door to the flat open quietly, as he was a considerate person and there was a chance that Conor was asleep. He wasn’t, though, he was just on the other side of the door, talking with Remus, who was getting ready to leave. Sirius swore. 

“Rough night?” Remus asked in response, stupid smirk in place as he looked from Sirius to Conor, who was rubbing his wrist. 

“Nowhere near as rough as yours, I’d imagine. Are you staying or going?” he asked of Remus. 

“Going. Night, Conor, I’ll call you,” he told Conor. He probably, definitely would not. Sirius knew his track record. Conor didn’t seem to mind, offering Remus a two-fingered salute before he let the door shut behind him. 

“Slutty bassist!” Conor declared, falling back against the door, a look of satisfaction on his face. 

“Slutty bassist,” Sirius repeated with a frown. 


	3. conor gets dicked down again and sirius is sad about it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> remus b like [show time]

Remus didn’t call Conor. Conor wasn’t expecting him to, not really, because he’d known about the guy for long enough to know that Remus Lupin didn’t seek people out;  _ he _ was sought out. Nonetheless, it was  _ really good dick, Sirius,  _ and  _ he has a gig tonight  _ and  _ if we go, I’ll get fucked again.  _ And so Sirius agreed to go, because he was a good friend. Not because he’d been thinking about Remus’ voice far too often for his liking since he’d first spoken to the guy and was looking forward to hearing it once more. Not one bit. 

They got to the bar Remus was playing at just before his set began, and found a table relatively close to the stage. It was close enough that, if Sirius leaned just far enough to the left, he could see Remus tuning his bass backstage, and if he strained his eyes, he could see Remus’ fingers fiddling with the strings as he did so, which had an effect on Sirius that he didn’t want to think about. 

“Can you see him?” Conor asked, back to Remus. 

“‘Course he can, he’s watching him right now,” James answered for Sirius. He’d offered to come with he and Conor in case Conor left and Sirius was left alone, but Sirius suspected that it had more to do with wanting to see if Peter’s guess that he wanted to sleep with the bassist held any truth. 

“I am  _ not _ ,” Sirius lied, tearing his eyes away from Remus’ fingers, moving back into the center of his seat. “I’m currently watching you drink a Shirley Temple, Jimmy, my eyes never roam.”

“It tastes great, want a sip?”

Sirius shook his head, turning his eyes back to the bassist, but he moved his hand away from its place on the edge of the table and reached for James’ drink instead. He’d been holding the table to keep himself balanced, though, and as a result his reaching for the drink led to him crashing to the floor, Shirley Temple covering the floor and a good bit of his jeans. 

He’d had a suspicion that while he’d been watching Remus, there was a chance that the bassist had been watching him as well and this was confirmed by the look of amusement on his face when Sirius looked up. His spot on the floor had a much better vantage point for watching Remus and he considered staying down for a bit to enjoy the new angle the floor supplied. 

“Nice one,” James said, standing to help Sirius up. “I have spare jeans in my car, I’ll go get them.”

Conor began to question this, but James was already heading toward the door and Sirius was standing up. He set the glass down on the table, still in one piece thankfully, and returned to his seat, attempting to ignore the stickiness the cocktail had caused. 

“I’m not wearing your jeans, James, you’re not my size and I refuse to wear cargo pants,” Sirius said, not turning around as he assumed what had to be James appeared behind him. 

“Not James,” that damn voice replied, too close for comfort. “Hey, Conor.”

“Hey! Thought we’d drop by and support our new friend, right, Sirius?” Conor said, watching as Remus took the seat that had once been James’.

“New friend?”

“Are we friends?” Remus questioned, head tilted as he considered the word. 

“Sorry, acquaintance,” Conor corrected without missing a beat, resting his chin on his fist. His eyes were on Remus, a far too suggestive smile dancing on his lips, and Sirius was _ not  _ jealous, he wasn’t, but the smile this look elicited from Remus made Sirius want to knock Conor out of his chair. 

“Well,” Sirius said, breaking the silence that had fallen as Remus and Conor seemed to undress each other in their heads, “Remus, you’ve got a show to get ready for, don't you?”

Remus finally broke his gaze away from Conor, meeting Sirius’ eyes, and Sirius pretended the sense of victory he felt wasn’t at all related to the attention now directed at him. 

“I do,” he answered, amusement clear in his voice. He stood to leave, and Sirius thought he was almost free of Remus’ obnoxious cockiness for a few minutes when Remus turned back to lean forward and whisper something in Conor’s ear that resulted in what might’ve just been the most pleased look Sirius had ever seen grace Conor’s face. 

And with that, Remus was gone, and Sirius was left to guess at what Remus could’ve told Conor. Something sexual, no doubt, but  _ what exactly _ , he had no idea. He didn’t really like how much he wanted, needed, to know what Remus was saying. He wanted Remus’ voice in his ear, promising something undoubtedly obscene. Wanted him to tell him what he had planned for later that night, after he performs and is still high off the adrenaline Sirius is sure he gets after a show, wanted—

“Alright, Sirius?” James asked, clasping a hand on his shoulder as he returned, empty handed. 

“Thought you were going to get pants,” Sirius replied, choosing to ignore the question. 

“Didn’t have any,” he answered. “What was that about?”

Conor was still grinning at whatever Remus’ whispered promise has been, and Sirius was growing a bit annoyed with him. 

“That’s a great question,” he replied. “What  _ was _ that about, Conor?”

“ _ That _ , my friends, was about me getting more of the best sex I’ve ever had.”

“Congrats, mate,” James said, leaning forward to clap Conor on the back. 

“Thanks,” Conor replied, although his eyes were on Sirius. He looked confused by Sirius’ silence, and Sirius wasn’t sure what to do about that. 

“Yeah, nice one,” Sirius added lamely. 

Conor frowned. “Alright, to celebrate, this round’s on me!” he declared, slapping the table as he stood to get the next round. 

Immediately after he’d left earshot, James turned to Sirius. “So you  _ do  _ like the bassist.”

Sirius didn’t answer, swirling his straw around his empty cup. 

“Pete was right!”

“I don’t  _ like _ him. I just think he’s hot and wouldn’t decline if he offered to wreck me. It’s purely physical.”

James nodded in understanding, thanking Conor as he returned with drinks. 

Before James could continue the conversation, though, Remus was being announced and the light was dim, but Sirius could see Remus’ curls falling into his eyes as he waved at the crowd. 

Remus seemed to become a different person onstage. The cocky asshole he’d been speaking to minutes earlier was still there, but he was singing a song about disliking spending nights alone, and Sirius knew it wasn’t about falling in love, but he still felt his heart beating in his chest at the idea of it. 

One song merged into another, only separated by brief interludes in which Remus told jokes that made Sirius fall more and more in love. His voice was just as enthralling as Sirius had hoped it would be, filling the room and leaving their entire table speechless. When his set ended and he came by the table to pick up Conor, Sirius wanted to say something, but he wasn’t sure what. 

“You did fantastic,” Conor said in greeting, already pulling his coat on. 

“I did, didn’t I?” he replied, eyes on Sirius. 

Sirius nodded once, meeting his eyes. 

“We’ll meet you back at the flat,” Conor said, and Remus draped an arm around Conor’s shoulders, daring Sirius to break eye contact first. 

“Dunno if I’m going back. There was a guy at the bar earlier,” he said, finally looking away. 

“Be safe,” Remus replied with a grin, and with that, he and Conor were on their way back, Remus’ lips against Conor’s ear as they walked. Sirius didn’t want to think about what else he could possibly have to say, but he was struggling not to. 

“There’s a guy at the bar?” James asked once they’d lost sight of Conor and Remus. 

“There will be.”


	4. peter pettigrew is a bottom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this fic is considered crack at this point but i love my gay son peter and my pan son conor (who is Literally my son. i genuinely created him. thank u.)

There was no guy. 

Sirius supposed there could’ve been a guy at the bar, if he’d been interested. Technically, there’d been a guy who’d bought him a drink when they first got to the bar earlier that night, but he was long gone, and if Sirius was being honest with himself, he wasn’t interested in anyone at the bar; he was interested in the guy currently fucking his roommate. 

There was no guy, but he’d told Conor, and Remus by extension, that there was, so he couldn’t exactly show up at the flat merely twenty minutes after they’d left. He explained this to James as they climbed into his car, and James proceeded to call Sirius a jackass. 

“No, listen, if he knows that I didn’t fuck someone tonight, he’ll think it’s about him,” Sirius reasoned, pulling on his seatbelt. 

“But it is about him,” James pointed out. “I’m sure he knows that. You’re not really subtle, are you?”

“I am, too!”

“You spent his whole set staring at him,” James said, pulling out of his spot. 

“He was performing! I was being polite,” he insisted.

James nodded, flicking on his turn signal as he considered what to say to Sirius, who’d begun sulking. “Am I taking you back to yours?” 

Sirius let out a sigh. He knew Lily was waiting for James, and he’d told her he’d be back by now, so he didn’t want to keep her waiting. He shook his head, frowning. “No, no, I’ll go home. I’ll just tell them that I wasn’t in the mood.”

James raised his brows at Sirius’ gameplan, but didn’t argue.

—

The first thing Sirius heard when he opened the door to his flat was swearing

Conor was pulling his hand out of Remus’ pants when Sirius shut the door behind him, and Remus didn’t look even the tiniest bit ashamed at Sirius’ walking in on them. 

“Your bar guy couldn’t have been very impressive,” Remus remarked, eyes on Sirius. 

“He was,” Sirius replied, avoiding both Conor and Remus’ eyes as he made his way into the kitchen. “So impressive, in fact, that it was a rather quick endeavor.”

Sirius realized halfway through pouring himself a glass of the wine Conor had left on the countertop that he was suggesting that neither he nor his bar guy lasted more than five minutes, given the time it would take for transportation. 

“I mean, we didn’t finish, we’re taking a break,” Sirius backtracked, brows furrowed as he tried to piece together how he could possibly save this. “He’s on his way over. Had to run home and get...toys.”  

Sirius was sure the entirety of his neighbors heard Remus’ laughter at his explanation. He downed the glass he was holding, refilled it, and then downed it again.  

“When’s he getting here? Conor and I can clear out, if you need us to,” Remus offered helpfully as Sirius returned to the living room, glass in hand. 

“Oh, he should be here any minute, yeah,” Sirius said, voice muffled by the wineglass still raised to his lips. 

He stared intently into his drink, very aware of both Conor and Remus watching him, both amused by his very obvious lie. Sirius was thinking about the best way to escape the situation with a semblance of his dignity, unsure of any possible ways to do so, when there was a knock at the door, and he pointed at it, beaming. “That’s him!”   
  
Conor and Remus shared a look of confusion that Sirius greatly appreciated.    
  
“I’ll...just a moment,” Sirius excused himself, opening the door just enough to let himself out without letting Conor and Remus see whoever is outside of the door.    
  
It was Peter, and Sirius had never been so grateful for his friend’s excellent timing.    
  
“Pete! Have I told you how much I love you recently?”   
  
Peter rolled his eyes at that. “Not nearly enough, given how superb of a friend I am. What’ve I done?”   
  
“You, my dear, dear friend, are my hookup,” Sirius declared, letting the door shut behind him and stepping out into the hall.    
  
“I’m your what? Look, Sirius, I love you, I really do, and believe me, you’re gorgeous, but the thing about us, the thing we have in common, and I’m sure you know this by now, but we’re both bot—“   
  
“No! God, no, not genuinely!” Sirius replied, cutting Peter off. “No, I know you’re a bottom, you radiate bottom energy. However, to two strangers, i.e. my roommate and the stupid bassist he’s seeing, you could pass as a switch, if you, like,” Sirius paused, sizing Peter up. He raised a hand up to mess with Peter’s hair, then took a moment to undo a few of the buttons on Peter’s shirt. “There! Switch!”    
  
Peter eyed Sirius doubtfully. “Right. I just came to ask for sugar because Cas and I ran out so how long exactly is this absurdity going to take?”   
  
“Not long! I just need to prove that I did bring a guy home because they don’t think I did,” Sirius explained. “Oh, I also said you were getting sex toys, so, dunno, like, can you pretend you’ve got a dildo in your pocket or something?”   
  
“How the  _ fuck _ am I meant to do that?”    
  
Sirius wasn’t listening, and had already opened the door to the flat. He’d opened the door to the sound of Conor and Remus slow clapping, and Sirius immediately decided that Conor and Remus were the worst non-couple in the world. Separately, they were dicks, but together they were dicks who did nothing but encourage each other.    
  
“Find the toys all right?” Remus asked Peter, not even bothering to disguise his laughter.    
  
“Oh, yeah, yeah. Keep them in the underwear drawer,” Peter said, voice gruff in his attempt to come across as less of a bottom. He turned to Sirius after a moment in which both Conor and Remus stared at him, speechless. “I’m sorry, Sirius, I absolutely cannot do this. Where’s your sugar?”    
  
“So you’re Peter!” Conor exclaimed from the couch, and Peter nodded, smiling at Conor. “I’ll show you. I don’t think Sirius knows, if we’re being honest, he’s absolutely abysmal in the kitchen,” Conor added, which earned a laugh from Peter. He patted Remus on the thigh once before standing to help Peter, and Sirius found some comfort in the way that Conor had cast Remus aside, distracted by Peter.    
  
“There was no guy,” Remus said. It wasn’t a question.     
  
“No, there wasn’t.”   
  
“Why not? You’re hot.”   
  
Sirius groaned, taking Conor’s place on the couch. “There was a guy before your set who bought me a drink, but he’d left, I think. Or at least, I didn’t care enough to seek him out.”   
  
“Saving yourself for marriage?” Remus asked, and Sirius resisted the urge to slap him.    
  
“No! I just...have someone else in mind, that’s all,” he said mildly. He avoided Remus’ gaze, instead looking in the direction of the kitchen where Peter had made himself comfortable on the countertop as he watched Conor search their cabinets for sugar.    
  
“Who do you have in mind?”    
  
“Not you, that’s for sure,” Sirius replied, and he thought, at least, that he sounded extremely convincing.    
  
“If you wanted to fuck, you could’ve just said so,” Remus said easily, and Sirius had to look back at him at that, in awe of his bluntness.    
  
“How often do you get rejected, Remus?” he asked, ignoring his line.    
  
“Not very,” Remus answered, and Sirius could tell he was being honest entirely based off of his stupidly cocky smirk. “You changing the subject doesn’t count as a rejection, by the way, so that’s still up in the air.”   
  
Sirius nodded at that, but instead of answering, made his way toward the kitchen.    
  
Conor had given up on searching for sugar and was sat next to Peter on the countertop instead. His head was resting on Peter’s shoulder as the two looked down at Peter’s phone, but they bolted apart at Sirius’ cough.    
  
“What’s up?” he asked, eyeing the two, who looked down at him somewhat guiltily.    
  
“Pete was showing me pictures from when you were in school. You never told me you had such a prominent random phase.”   
  
“Never came up. Pete, you are an awful friend, and Conor was using searching for sugar as a premise to get into your pants. We don’t have any,” he said, smiling at the two. They’d never met before, despite coming close to doing so a few times, but they made sense together, Sirius supposed. And with Conor pursuing Peter, he was officially out of the picture with Remus, which made it a bit less of a gray area. Sleeping with the guy your roommate was also currently sleeping with was probably a bad idea, but sleeping with the guy your roommate had only briefly slept with before moving on to date your friend was probably fine. He thought.   
  
“That’s okay. I’ll just go get some, I guess. Pass me a napkin, though?” Peter asked of Sirius, unbothered by the idea that Conor wanted to sleep with him.    
  
Sirius handed him a napkin, although he wasn’t sure why, and Peter leaned over Conor to reach for a pen that had been left on the countertop. He scrawled his number across the napkin, handed it to Conor, and jumped down from the countertop.    
  
“I’ll see you later, Sirius!” he called happily, making his way toward the door.    
  
And with that, Peter was gone, and Sirius was left once more with Conor and Remus, although the vibe was considerably different.    
  
Sirius thought he might have to just get it over with and fuck Remus at this point. Really, it was inevitable. He’d known that from the moment he first spoke to him. It was, like, his sexual destiny.

 


	5. they fuck

Conor and Peter, as Sirius had predicted, had hit it off immediately. They seemed to be constantly texting each other, and Conor’d begun spending quite a bit of time at Peter’s. Sirius was happy for them, he really was, but it was weird to have his roommate and one of his best friends...fucking? Dating? He wasn’t sure what they were doing, exactly, as he hadn’t been looped in on their messages where they decided whatever they’d decided, but they were spending an absurd amount of time together, that was for sure. He was happy for them. He just...wished he had something like that for himself.

Remus still came over to hang out with Conor, but it was clear that they were no longer sleeping together. Sirius was grateful for that. Not because he wanted to sleep with Remus himself, but because…okay, yeah, it was because he wanted to sleep with Remus himself. 

Since Remus had started coming over as a friend of Conor’s, Sirius had gotten to know him a bit better outside of the sexual deviant persona he presented to the world. He was funny and charming and, well, he wasn’t exactly  _ nice _ , but he was something similar to it. Also, Sirius had come to realize, he had a very nice laugh. Sirius liked this one, the one that seemed to sneak out of him and catch him off guard, far more than the one that came along with snarky comments and rude gestures. 

Conor had left for Peter’s an hour earlier, and Sirius was just about to head out when there was a knock at the door. Remus Lupin had a very specific knock, and that was his. 

Sirius took a moment to finish pulling his other boot on before he went to answer it. “Conor’s not here,” he said in place of greeting, looking up at Remus.

Remus had already begun to make himself comfortable, leaning against the doorframe. He tended to do that, make himself at home wherever he went.

“I’m here for you,” he said simply, and Sirius’ eyes widened.

“Oh,” he said, unsure of what exactly Remus meant by that. “Why?”

Remus shrugged, tucking his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “We never finished our chat.”

Sirius raised his brows, feigning ignorance. Of course, he knew which chat Remus was referring to. There was only one that he could be speaking about, and it had started with Remus informing Sirius that Sirius wanted to sleep with him and ended with Sirius leaving the room because he wasn’t sure how to respond to such a bold, yet entirely true, claim. 

“The one about you wanting to get fucked,” Remus clarified brightly after Sirius remained silent. 

Sirius let out a sound that sounded a bit like he was being strangled and a bit like he was trying hard to appear as though the strangling wasn’t bothering him.

“Are you busy now?” Remus asked, taking the noise to mean that Sirius wasn’t opposed to the idea.

“I was just leaving,” Sirius responded, but his voice sounded wrong when it came out, far away. He could text James that he’d gotten distracted, that he’d be over a bit later. He could, but did he want to? What a dumb question, he thought, as his gaze drifted over Remus’ right arm, the muscles he knew came from years of playing a bass. Of course he wanted to. And Remus was offering, which meant he clearly did as well.

Remus sucked in his bottom lip and then let it go. “That’s a shame,” he said, and the way he looked at Sirius as he said it made Sirius want to drag him through the door and let him do anything he wanted to do to him.

“I can text James,” he said, backing out of the doorway to make room for Remus to step inside. The grin this elicited from Remus made his heart melt and his face grow warm. He knew he should leave his heart out of this, it wasn’t what Remus was after, but he’d never been very good at keeping things separate.Remus had been propping the door open with his foot, and as he moved into the flat, it shut behind him with a decisive slam. This was happening.

Sirius had left his phone on his nightstand, and he led the way toward his room to get it. Remus followed despite Sirius not indicating in any way that he should do so, and Sirius smiled at that. Remus may have been confident that Sirius wanted to fuck him, but Sirius was equally as confident that Remus wanted to just as badly as he did. 

Remus made himself comfortable on Sirius’ bed as he picked up his phone, typing in his password and messaging James that he would be late. He wasn’t sure how late, he added, with a glance toward Remus, who had picked up a framed photo of James, Peter, and Sirius that Sirius had on his nightstand.

“That’s the guy from the bar,” Remus noted, and Sirius hummed, taking the picture from him gently and setting it back down. 

“And the guy who stole your boyfriend,” Sirius added cheerily. They were already here, and there wasn’t really any sense in playing hard to get at this point, so he opted to take a seat on Remus’ lap, thighs coming to rest on either side of Remus’. 

“He was never my boyfriend,” Remus said softly. He didn’t have to speak loudly. He moved a hand to rest on Sirius’ hip, and Sirius wanted to stay like this forever.

He knew it wouldn’t last, though, so he decided he ought to make the most of the time he had. He leaned forward to close the distance between them, hands drifting up to mess with the curls he’d been ever so aware of for what had to be a couple months at this point. His hair was soft, Sirius thought absently, as he laced his fingers through it. 

Remus was a very good kisser. Sirius had expected this, but it was still the lone thought racing around his mind as Remus’ fingers tugged at the hem of Sirius’ shirt. He had to pull away for Remus to pull his shirt over his head, and he thought it might’ve landed somewhere near the door, but he couldn’t be sure.

In the time it had taken for Sirius to consider the location of his shirt, Remus had begun unbuttoning the buttons of his own shirt, and Sirius moved to help him, hissing when the movement caused him to brush against Remus’ belt buckle. 

He let out a soft groan at that, and opted to take his frustrations out on the the offending article of clothing, trying and failing to undo the buckle. Remus watched his efforts in amusement, making quick work of his buttons and casting his shirt aside. 

“You know, when we first met, I’d pegged you as a ‘third date rule’ kinda guy,” Remus said conversationally.

“Just help me with this fucking buckle,” he said in response, fingers fumbling with said buckle. He knew how to take off a damn belt, but this one was unnecessarily complicated. 

Remus pushed Sirius’ hands out of the way enough to undo the buckle himself, and Sirius scowled down at it. “I’m not a fan of following orders,” he said offhandedly as Sirius went about messing with his zip. 

“Oh, good,” Sirius said, looking up at Remus with a bright smile. “I’m not a fan of giving them.”

Remus seemed highly satisfied by this response. 

__

It was over far too quickly for Sirius’ taste. That’s not to say that Remus didn’t last very long, but it is to say that Remus seemed to leave almost immediately after, and Sirius was not too pleased with that. He’d been expecting it, but that didn’t lessen the annoyance he felt as he watched Remus redo the buttons of his shirt from where he laid on his bed.

“You don’t have to rush out, you know,” Sirius said, trying hard to seem as though he couldn’t care less whether Remus stayed or left.

“I know,” Remus hummed, not ceasing in his movements. “I have things to do, though, don’t you?”

“I do, but I’m already late.”

“What, you want to go again?” Remus questioned, raising a brow at Sirius.

Sirius’ gaze came to rest on Remus’ hands. He’d always appreciated them, but he appreciated them significantly more so now that he’d been at their mercy. “I wouldn’t say no,” he said, “but I was saying you could just stay. Watch a movie or something.”

Remus smirked at that. “What movie?”

“I don’t know! A movie. I can make popcorn.”

Remus nodded after a moment’s consideration. “Yeah, okay. I pick, though.”

“I figured. You do like being control quite a bit,” Sirius quipped, pleased that he’d given in so easily. 

Remus laughed and Sirius realized, in that moment, that he was well and truly done for.


End file.
